Shades of Greaves
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I Got Fired From the Perfect Job
How I Grew My Substack From 439 to 451 Free Subscribers In Just 11 Months
The New Yorker
I Have Found the Perfect Sneaker
(illustrated by Tayo Falase)
Everything Coming to and Leaving Your Favorite Streaming Service This Month
Script of Every Movie Set in Boston
Welcome to Your Ten-Year Reunion at Fancy College
What Your Indoor Plant Says About You
(illustrated by Tayo Falase)
Work E-Mails During an Apocalypse
An Episode of “Euphoria,” Based Solely on the Jokes I’ve Seen About It on Social Media
A Guide to Getting on an Airplane Again
Plots of Nineteen-Eighties Movies if Their Protagonists Had Been People of Color
(17th most-read Shouts article of 2021)
McSweeney’s
How to Become a Professional Writer
Math Concepts the State of Florida Finds Objectionable
(7th most-read McSweeney’s article of 2022)
The Young Man and the Tax Return
A Jeopardy! Board for Determining Who Should Be the Next Host of Jeopardy!
(14th most-read McSweeney’s article of 2021)
Are You Allowed to Criticize Simone Biles?: A Decision Tree
(2nd most-read McSweeney’s article of 2021)
Schedule of Speakers for the 2020 Republican National Convention
(14th most-read McSweeney’s article of 2020)
Just Because They’ve Turned Against Humanity Doesn’t Mean We Should Defund the Terminator Program
The Only Acceptable Form of Black Protest Is to Stand in This Field in Rural Nebraska and Scream Into the Void
Sure, the Velociraptors Are Still On the Loose, But That’s No Reason Not to Reopen Jurassic Park
(3rd most-read McSweeney’s article of 2020)
As a 28-Year-Old Latino, I’m Shocked My New Novel, Memoirs of a Middle Aged White Lady, Has Been so Poorly Received
(16th most-read McSweeney’s article of 2020; Featured in NPR podcast Selected Shorts)
LEVEL
Here’s the Correct Way to Make a G.O.A.T. List the Internet Will Love (Hate)
14 Questions We STILL Have About the Montgomery Riverboat Brawl
We Found Ice Cube’s Gratitude Journal Entries From “It Was a Good Day”
The 55 Biggest, Blackest Dad Jokes You’ve Never Heard
Points In Case
Franz Kafka’s The Thesis
Useful Quarantine Words in Other Languages
Join Our Pirate Ship as an Unpaid Pirate Intern, and Gain Valuable Experience on the High Seas!
Slackjaw
Engagement Ring Shopping
More Sequels America Didn’t Ask For But is Going to Get Anyway
Sequels America Didn’t Ask For But Is Going To Get Anyway
Flexx
10 Types of Vicks VapoRub Your Abuela Keeps Around the House
(Listen to me reading this piece for Latinx Lit Mag here)
251
Titles the showrunners considered before choosing ‘Sex and the City.’